Need to No – Giving Too Much

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One of my favorite things about patient advocates and navigators is that they are very generous, kind and giving people. They figure out what needs to be done, and they step up to the plate to do it.

But one of my frustrations with patient advocates is that some are too generous, too kind, too giving.  Too many have never learned where to draw limits, how to assess when they’ve taken on too much, or are in danger of taking on too much. They just don’t know how or when they “need to (say) no.”

Conversations with two APHA members remind me of this.  And it’s worth sharing with you because it may give you the kick in the backside needed to learn to say no when you know you should.  Sometime before you begin dropping all those balls you’re juggling.

One case is an advocate who I will call Molly.  (We have no members named Molly, so don’t try to figure out who I’m talking about!)  She lamented the fact that she just didn’t have enough work, and was worried about keeping her business afloat – yet – she told me how busy she was with clients. I finally figured out that all those clients were people she was helping for free.  They needed help, they could not afford to pay her, so she just began helping them anyway.

How very generous!  Remarkably generous, really.  And I applaud her for that – except – in effect, she was volunteering her way right out of business.  All her time was being spent helping those folks for free, instead of doing marketing, making phone calls, drumming up some speaking opportunities – tasks that could help bring in paying business.

Not to mention the level of stress  (and loss of sleep) when we are not only overworked, but worried that business isn’t going well.

“But,” you say. “Those people need help too!”  And I agree.  But there needs to be a point where you realize that if you spend your time working for free, and don’t stick to building your business, you will go out of business.  At that point, you can’t help anyone all.  No one. Not on a paid basis OR on a volunteer basis, because you will have to go out and get a job that will make up the difference. It’s not worth it.

The solution?

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What Health Advocates Can Learn from 9/11

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With the demise of Osama bin Laden, I’m reminded of experiences I can share with patient and health advocates and navigators that will help us do our jobs better.

Many readers of this blog know that the reason I do the work I do is because I was diagnosed with a rare, terminal lymphoma in 2004.  Being told I had a terminal disease was heart-stopping and terrifying. Even today there are certain triggers that drum up all that emotion. Post traumatic stress rears its ugly head….

Of course – I don’t wish that for anyone who ever reads this blog!  However…

I believe that to truly understand how horrifying such a diagnosis is, you have to live it.  But if you have never lived it, I can give you a metaphor. If you will give this some thought and embrace it, you will become a better advocate, because you will better understand how your client feels.

Close your eyes, and think back to 9/11 – and 9/12, 9/13, and those subsequent weeks and months….  Think back to the moment you watched those planes fly into the World Trade Center on TV, heard the news, saw the photos, spoke to a loved one, cried.  Embrace the fear you felt.  Remember that horrible feeling that we in America had lost our innocence, but even worse, any sense of security we had felt our entire lives to that point. We became afraid of doing ordinary things – being in crowds, flying in planes – our everyday lives were disrupted in ways we never could have imagined.  And – we knew we could never go back to the innocence of 9/10.  We had to learn to deal with it.

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